I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
