he told me I talked like a deaf person
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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