His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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