you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
