Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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