He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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