I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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