Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
