i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
