Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
