it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
ugly people sure do ruin things
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just invented taco cereal.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
