Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
