You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
