No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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