Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just had sex on a roof
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
