i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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