Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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