Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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