Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
