I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
and she was petting her beer can
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
