I heard we made out
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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