Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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