he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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