at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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