I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
