so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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