You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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