Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
