I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
