im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
