You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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