I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The beer is more important than you right now.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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