smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
