There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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