you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
