i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
