we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
