I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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