U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
