i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
