Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
