you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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