she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
