the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
