She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Even my vagina gasped.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
