At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
