Little spoons don't ask big questions
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
