Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
