There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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