I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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