I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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