I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
