dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
