Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
