this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
