I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
