I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
