Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
