So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
