I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
