I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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