Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
