There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
