He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
